Take me to the park

Well take me to the park. I don't like it here. I remember I was too small to care. Days back then when dreams were little and everything else around was enormous. Just shorts and hair that falls back. Back to where noone stares at your small mass. You were care-free. You don't get to comb or impress, you just care to breathe. Its somewhere noone judges you there. Everyone is your friend. And if you fell off, mom is always there to take care of. The sky is open and you kept playing no joking. Only your favorite show is waiting for back home. You didn't stop every once in a while and wonder why you stammer. You climb and fall. Game by game. Been through 'em all. And if you fell, you cry, you go for a warm hug, you get the pain out, and all the love in. Then you go back and give it one more try. It wasn't easy it was hard. You weren't strong you were thin. Life was hard, though you didn't make so many quotes about it. You always had someone to go back to, now you may still have, but you don't want to. This place was giggly noisy. It was fun, it was harsh. Where on earth and when did we become so smart? Life shouldn't be lived that way. You should think but not with every blink. So take me to the park, or I tell you, let me try. Let me live this world as my own park. Just kiss my pain and leave me to try. I will work hard and I will fail too and every time I will climb the slide back again. I will dress like noone is looking and get back to God everyday because he makes my world so good looking. It won't be as fierce, but promise you won't get too serious. And please don't be so hard, every bad thing you tell me, just breaks my heart. I will try and expect you be my friend, but if you promise me you'll spread the trend.

استعراض..

بغض النظر عن الفالنتاين بس قلت اتكلم عن حاجة اهم لافتة انتباهي من فترة.. فاكر اخر مرة شوفت فيها صورة حسيتها ذكرى حلوة مش استعراض؟ طب فاكرين لما الفيسبوك كان مكان مشاركة مش مسابقة ملوك جمال؟ 

انا بكره انستجرام .. مش عشان الناس مبسوطة وزايطة في لا والله دي حاجة تسعدني بس ليه بتمثيل؟ ليه كل ما بتجيلنا فرصة نستخدم حاجة صح بنبوظها.. 

موضة.. حياتنا كلها موضة.. انا قررت اعمل فيسبوك عشان الناس كلها عاملة مش عشان حاجة.. وبالنسبة لانستجرام بقى عشان الناس كلها راحتله، اهو عندي سبب مقنع اهو..

انا نسيت امتى اخر مرة اتصورت فيها عشان منساش اليوم ده مش عشان افرج الناس قد ايه حياتي جميلة.. اللي اغلبنا ميعرفوش واللي يعرفه ناسييه للأسف ان ظاهري الشئ وكثيري التباهي بيه هم اكثرهم افتقاراً له.. اللي بيهدد دايما ضعيف عشان لو كان في حاجة يقدر يعملها مكنش هدد.. والذكي مبيقولش على نفسه ذكي الناس فيه كده وبتقوله وبيفضل يشكك فيهم عشان لو يوم صدقهم حيخسر ذكائه.. اينشتاين عمره ما قال على نفسه عبقري مع ان العالم كله كان ولسه شايف كده.. حاولت توصللي انت ايه من صورك عشان مجاليش؟

انتي قد كده شايقة انك وحشة والصورة والناس واللايكس بيجملوكي؟ ما اهو اصل مش طبيعي يا جماعة البنت بتحط عشر لعشرين صورة لنفسها في نفس اليوم كل يوم في كل حتة..

حد من اصحابي مرة قالهالي لما قلتله لازم كل يوم اكون فيه مع الناس اللي بحبها اتصور عشان مانساهوش، قاللي فكري فيها ان كل وقت بتضيعيه في الصورة الذكري نفسها بتروح منك ولسخرية القدر انا فعلا روحت وشوفت صوري اللي اتصورتها قبل كده مفتكرتش اي حاجة في اليوم غير اننا كنا بنحاول نتصور ومعملناش حاجة تانية يومها..

الموضة حلوة واللبس الجديد مفيش احلى منه بس المنظرة بتبوظه.. ليه منضيعش وقت على نفسنا اولى بدل ما هي كلها بتعدي على الاقل نفسي ابقالي وحتسأل عنها.. 

حس بالحظة وبقيمتها قبل ما تتباهى بيها.. 

 

الملأ منبهر بس في ملأ اولى انك تخاف/ي منه..

 

مش حتاخد ثواب على البي ام دبليو ثوابك على الناس اللي ساعدتها بيها .. بيتك وعفشه وكده غالي وجميل بس ده مش مقياس حساب، لكن الاستضافة واكرام الضيف ايوه.. حاول تنسى كام واحد حيعرف انك عملت حاجة حلوة واعملها بس عشان هي حلوة لأن ده اسمى..

الوحش في السطحية انها بتستحملش العمق ولا بتمشي معاه، زي لما تقرى كتاب وتبقى نفسك الناس كلها تتعلم منه زي ما انت اتعلمت منه بس للاسف هم مستهيفيينه ومستهيفيين انبهارك انت شخصيا بالعلم..

انا بحب باسم يوسف بس نفسي كان يكون هادف وبدل ما بس يضحكنا كمان يعلمنا.. 

انا قررت ولو وصلت معايا لهنا من المقالة دي حكون سعيدة انك تكون معايا في قراري، ان اي حاجة حعملها بعد كده حعملها عشان ليها لازمة وبسبب مش العكس، مش حعملها وادورلها على سبب مقنع عشان على الاقل يوم اما اُسأل قدام العامة مخذلش ربنا اني استخدمت النعم اللي انعمها عليا اسوأ استخدام وان كان ممكن اولى مني يكون مكاني وانفع لنفسه وللناس بديني.. 

انا مش هنا عشان انصحك انا يمكن بس بفكرك..

 

لو بتحب بقى روح اتفسح ولو لأ روح كل كيك وشكرا..

 

اديني فرصتي بس..

احنا عايشين ليه؟ طب بلاش ده سؤال شامل وحتقول انا جيت الدنيا لقيت نفسي هنا.. طب انت/ي بتقرا المقالة بتاعتي دي ليه؟ عجبتك صورتي؟ زهقان؟ حد عملَها شير فقولت تشوف دماغي او بتديني نوع من أنواع الدعم ولاَ شدك اسمها؟ بما اني بسأل ليه انا برده لازم اقول انا بكتب ليه.. 

من رأيي المتواضع ومن خبرتي الشخصية في اللي بشوفه كل يوم حواليه، احنا عايشين والسلام.. كام واحد معتنق دينه عن اقتناع؟ اصل ماما وبابا مسلمين وماما قلتلي اتحجبي عشان متلفتيش النظر أو أو أو.... 

انت/ي بتلبس اللبس ده ليه؟ فكرت تغيَره؟ الولد اللي حبتيه، فكرتي ليه بتحبيه واذا بعد لما الحب يقَل بما ان كل حاجة بتبدأ كبيرة وتصغر حتعرفي لسه تشوفي عيوبه وتحبيها؟

كام مرَة قريت الكلام ده أو سمعته ومعملتش حاجة؟ كام مرَة حبيت حاجة اوي بس حسيت صعب توَصلها فقولت تسمع تامر عاشور وتسقط الكرسي وتفيَم زجاج العربية واصل انت ضحية  زي ما البلد كلَها ضحايا...

الشغل مش شوية احنا اللي منتعبش كفاية عشان نوصلَه، والشارع شكله مش وحش عينينا اللي مبقتش عايزة تقول على حاجة حلوة غير لَما تشوفها لأول مرَة.. شارع البيت مقرف لحد لما عمارة جديدة تطلع فنقول منهم لله بوَظوا الشارع وانت اصلا مكنتش مقدر جماله قبلها.. حتى الحاجة اللي بتشوفها غلط مبتفكرش تبلغ عنها او تكون ايجابي وتحاول حتى لو بموقف..

اليوم مش مقرف ولا الحياة قميئة ولا اولادك مترَبوش انتي اللي مبتحمديش ربنا علي صحتهم وانهم حواليكي وان لسه في حد جمبك بيقوم يساعدك ويعملك حاجتك.. مراتك مش وحشة انت اللي بطَلت تقولها كلام جميل فبطلت تهتم بنفسها.. جوزك حيعيشك ملكة لو بش شكرتيه على اللي بيقدر يعمله ويمكن دي تكون طاقته..

الأمم مبتنهضش بالفيسبوك ولا بالصور اللي مليانة حكم ونصايح.. 

ومش حتكلم على كمية النقد اللي بشوفها اني لسه متجوزتش وانا خلصت كلية، فتبعاً للمصريين انا بعمل ايه في حياتي؟ وانتوا مالكوا.. مش لازم اهرب من الفراغ اللي الكلية سابتهولي بمسؤلية انا عارفة كويس اني مش قدَها دلوقتي.. مش يمكن انا شايفة اني محتاجة لتخطيط مستقبلي شوية وقت؟ او يمكن انا فعلا فاشلة وبضَيع وقت زي ما نص الناس بتشوف لما تسألني.. في كل الاحوال محدش مضرور من طريقة حياة حد تاني او تفكيره..

الدين نعمة والحمد لله عليها، بس فكَرت تدَور فيه؟ فكرت تكون مقتنع ان الصلاة ذكر؟ وان غض البصر من ترويض النفس؟ وان الفرائض ليس بها نقاش مادمت لست على درجة كافية من الدراية والعلم بالدين عشان تحرَمها او تحللَها؟  امبارح شوفت واحدة بتسأل واحد انه ينصَحها وبغض النظر عن السبب، هيَ بس عايزة تعرف اذا كان الانتحار حلال في حالتها أو لأ.. متعرفش ان قتل النفس من ما حرَم الله وإلا كان زماننا كلنا مموتين نفسنا عند اي لحظة يأس من اللي بنعدَي بيها؟ كارثة من كوارث زمننا..

أحب اقولَك واقولِك ان اللي احنا فيه ده احنا اللي عاملين كده في نفسنا، ربنا خلقنا وادانا عقل ومش معنى انه سبحانه وتعالى يعلم قدرنا انه السبب في اللي احنا فيه او بنعمله ..ربنا ادانا حياة كاملة علشان ندَور بعده ونقتنع، بالعلم مش بالنصايح ومن اهل العلم وبلاش نستنَا ليوم متنفعش المناقشة من شىء..

ومصيبة من مصايبنا سببها ان "من عظَم صغار المصائب ابتلاه الله بكبارها" عن علَي ابن ابي طالب.. زي مالاقي واحدة من اكبر همومها انها اتكعبلت انهارده او ان واحد بجد زقه من قاعدة القهوة وكأن حد جابره يروح هناك كل يوم..

واخيرا  رداً على حجة انا حبقى كويس والناس كلها وحشة، اظن خدت/ي بالك ان احنا من اكتر المجتمعات تأثرا وتقليد لبعض ولو لسه مش مقتنع جرب انهارده انزل الشارع اتعامل بأحسن تعامل وتعالى على ومتبصش للي زنَق عليك وتجري وراه تلَبسه وشوف حيتردلك ازاي المعاملة الكويسة.. 

واما بالنسبة للبداية حاول لو مقتنع تبدأ من غير متستنَى حد يبدأ، خدت بالك كام واحد بيعلق على بوست عندك لو شاف ناس كتير علَقت الاول وازاي بيتفكسلك لو ومحدش بدأ؟ ده بقى اسلوب حياة دلوقتي محدش عايز يبقى مختلف عشان ميسبش فرصة لحد يشوفه او ينتقده.. ومن اكبر انجازاتنا ما لا يذكر..

انا عارفة ان المقال ده ممكن محدش يقراه غيري او اللي ميقتنعش او ميوصلش حتى للاخر، بس انا افضَل اكون ايجابية عن استسلامي لزهق القاريء وشكراً.

Believe..

Why do people do what they do? Good or bad. Why is it always too late? You feel disturbed every time you find someone succeeding something. You never thought of how much time of his life he's been thinking of it or how many times he fell and got up or even how much effort he did to get there. You only saw the output. And at that same time, you thought that it's by how many people you get around you -be it by your acts of kindness or so- that you are most protected, and you never were..
Since when was 'thank you' such a huge burden for you to carry and for the object of thankfulness to brag about. I don't think anything is wrong with us, our society, except lack of prerogatives or their misdistribution. We stopped looking for the details, we stopped stopping to explain ourselves, we stopped doing things except if everyone and every single one knows we have done them. Since when was everyone feeling so important? If this is not clear, let make it more clear, you're not. If your mom fills you up with confidence words everyday it's because she loves you, she never meant to make a selfish, arrogant man out of you. If your dad tells you you're pretty, it's because he sees how much his good acts and efforts in you have developed into a young born honor, he never meant for you to be a shown commodity. Your wife of twenty years marriage gave you so much to let her down, by simply cheating and blaming it on her carelessness, you're the one careless. Girls half dressed no one is impressed. Men with the mentality of fifteen years old boys and the body of mid-twenties all over the dance clubs you don't rock the world, you rock it's foundations. A devoted loving husband deserves much more acts of care and kindness, not more of an indifferent, uncaring wife. You give birth to a baby because you want to share more with the man you love, a baby to love and have it be better than you were raised. If you don't stop for the arrogant, the arrogant stops for no one, then. If you lack faith, you're filled with fear. If you stop defending yourself, society and ethics, no one is stopping to defend them for you. You're apathy is unappreciated. Your harshness won't be cherished. Every act of kindness is a bonus. Every act of rudeness grants you more fail. You don't need to escape the world, you simply need someone to believe in you. I have been raised in a society that tells me everyday what to do and what not to. Let me tell you what you should do. You should stop listening, you only be genuinely happy if you do what you love to do. Crying in front of someone you love is not a sin, you blame them if they don't understand when you do. If you feel unappreciated leave, if you stay you tolerate. Abusing your wife is the most act of proof you failing as a man. Insulting your children only proves you have no sense of nurse. Stop blaming the society, you're the society. God never asked us to see, note, grasp or observe, he asked us to believe. Late is for the non-believer. If you still have age, you still have a chance, no rationalizations. If you missed telling someone how much you care, do it now, don't fear they get you wrong, instead explain. It's OK to know you're hurt, show it and let others see you carrying it too. If you love a man let him know you do and then leave, you never know what that might change. If you love a woman, be proud and tell her, feelings are a precious thing to carry and a man who devotes to them is the real one. Don't underestimate someone's intelligence. Don't overestimate one's too. Stop being so servile yourself. Acknowledge the one's you love, help them fight their battles and embrace them. Believe them, believe in them. If someone deprives you of your hopes, it's because they're hopeless themselves. It's not how many people who knows you, it's how many distinguishes you. Love those who least deserve it, it's when they most need it. You build your fundamentals to stand on for the rest of your life. Fathom people's pain. Rethink, re-evaluate and reassess your priorities. If you start fighting eventually everyone will start too. All cheers to the believers, you're the leaders.

What would you choose..

Love is a strange world, open the gate, take your eye-band and slowly start to wander. This is a place whose ground knows no solid state. Parachutes are everywhere, but the jump I warn you, is something you can't bear. You've come to a place where everyone is all bare. Genuine is a word that describes it all here. Feel the cold air, but if you come too close to someone it's all hot be there if you dare. This is a place no one knows why they stay. Circles is a path no one knows else-here. Lanterns everywhere, left behind every lost living soul. Just beware you can't stare. Some will try and stick to you as long their path goes, others will be as long as yours goes. Some will take you under their umbrellas, others will be glad to leave you to the rain. Some will see right through you, others will be there just to throw you. This a world that only knows assumptions. Some will assume you're what they've already been searching for, others will assume you're what they'll never search for. Some will help you catch your breath, others will take your breath away. Mostly you'll meet them all. There you no sit you fall. You've entered somewhere you start to think is a snare. It's like you are in a sea that knows no shore. This is a world that no brain knows. Everyone is stumbling, I told you it's not safe. A walker pass you by, saying ' Everyone I find here cries, I don't know why'. Dizziness is all you feel right now, falling was for so long all you've known. Blares are everywhere. Noisy is this place. You're starting to walk slow, searching for your own show. Try and ask for space (time), this is a place where you could only know by your own pace. You've only got one thing to make, search for the only one your heart can take. But try and make no mistake. There you feel 'em. Someone has finally made it by. Then they take you by the hand, it suddenly starts to feel like somewhere you could stand. There came someone who could stare. Don't worry hearts could stare. It's like finally you start to see the light. Though it's all night. It lastly starts to feel right, it took you so long to make it right. Confusion is all gone now, you've found someone you'd want to know. Try and feel the world through, see the beauty of all things you knew. Feel your heartbeat, it would be too much you can't bleat. You'll feel the lightness of your own heart, feeling you're all smart, though it's all swollen you should suffocate. You've beaten your own rate. They say you only become happy when you meet the one you love. Now it's all hot, but you'd rather feel hot than to feel not. Now you'd like to take your eye-band, now you'd like to stare. You'd love to see the face of the one who was all there. Be careful I told you not to stare. If they leave you by, you'd come to cry. Someone might take 'em from you, someone might take you from 'em. Try and count your fears. You think to yourself ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.’ and it will all bring you to tears. So don't look down, try and hold onto them as much as you can. See the world through their eyes, it's OK if they spy. Though you're flying you can hear shouts from down there, let go let go is all you hear. Learn this from life no place you'll be trying to strive and someone tells you to fight. So fight as hard as you can, dare to live with someone's flaws. Black is of no favorite when all you felt was all savored. You tried to be vigilant, but that makes you no agent. Try and scream, no one hears in a world full of screams. I will tell you this but don't be deceived, this is somewhere you've only conceived. You'd pray they'll stay there. This is a place that's boundaries are all pare. You forgot the rules, you're in a place that no one rules. Hearts could wander, people too, but no one seems to choose. Don't try and land, you've only wanted the world the moment you took their hand. Because in the face of true love you just don't give up. Love them and cherish them as long as you've 'em. It's only now you know someone's life stops by the stop of yours. Don't be deceived, people will tell you'll be all cleaved. Shush, don't listen. It's only when you take the fall, you'll only miss 'em. I know you're all bare, it took you so much to get there. Open your eyes wide now you're in the ride, enjoy it as long as there is no tide. Suddenly you'll fall, I am sorry you did fall. Don't say you've not been warned. But at least now you know why everyone who's been warned chooses to take the fall. Not everyone has been there, and not everyone who's been around you did fall, but remember it took you much courage to take the fall. It's all dark now, so numb you're. Don't search for a hand just tie your eye band, what you did was all banned. Someone comes by saying "Hello, you've been in a phase, a phase that makes you forget the life you once had. You've risked so much and took too much too. Don't try and stand, just give me your own hand". "Who are you?", you say. "I am your own brain, you've finally heard my calls from down there, asking you to take care. You couldn't let go, you should've said no. Now you've been all there, tell me what would you choose? To stand over the solid ground with no risk to take. OR shall I show you the way, back to my world back to all the sense it makes. OR the risk to fly and the beautiful world with it's own ache. Because here I've seen what no sense makes, a universe of your own make. I know I told you not to spree, but now that I've seen if I were you I'd shoot for three."

Does it all pay..

Have you ever wanted something so much, you asked for it? Not once or twice, not a day or a night, but by every passing star light. You have been so deeply into it that it kept your mind from anything but it. Its like a vortex that kept pulling you in, until you have finally reached the center, it no longer spins you. You've reached somewhere that no human goes by their own conscious. Somewhere where you can't ever have a companion. The sad thing is no one could ever help you. A family can wake you up everyday and make sure you're OK, a friend can be by your side though you could feel they're never there, a job can keep you busy half day until you reach your night thoughts, but only you could save yourself. There you saw them, everywhere around you, but no one have noticed how much you've been pulled in. Then finally they noticed when you've been too far you couldn't handle your own pain. Then they all knew... And nothing. They can only call you out, some will try to swim but will be back to the shore so often, some will try and wave, others will throw ropes, your mom most probably will faint and your dad will be there watching too. Some will see you fighting mountains and think it's not easy, others will see you lucky. Some are always there just to tell you they've been through harder and you'll be OK. Some will pray others won't. Now what? You're lonely though you're not alone. Nothing is ever clear anymore. Your vision becomes so weak of everything you've known, your real and unreal world suddenly starts to feel the same. You said if god wanted to help me he could have helped by now, or he couldn't have let me all the way in.. You now know that only he can save you or a miracle. You've thought surrender could be easier than to fight, but now you know it's not death you've always wished for.. But have you ever thought that you and only you have got you here? You were the one who desperately hoped for something you may or may not have. You saw the water spinning and yet you kept going there. Its always been the best to risk but not when you have no spare. Weapons were not your thing, but you know you could still use them here. Faith is a weapon, family is a weapon, love is a weapon, friends are definitely a weapon, but god would have kept you safe if you ever not let go of his armor. You decided that if you ever got away from here you'd do the best in your life back there.. You'd fix what you never took care of, you'd immensely look at your beloved ones that you never forget a feature of 'em. You promise that no one else in your entire life deserve to be cherished and taken care of but the one who created you. Now you know, you've been too far from where you should be.. Now you remember how careless you were, you weren't as perfect as you ever thought, you lost yourself because you didn't hold onto it for a long time now. You've only been where for so long you've been approaching, yet you didn't see it. Now you know.. Nothing is worse than letting yourself go. It all stopped now, the sea has came to it's own score.. Don't worry no one stares, they were too busy to just keep watching you there, some are only glad you're back when they glanced you to the shore, you made it, but not alone. Now you know, you don't make so much difference to 'em as you ever thought. You don't yet have a life that stops to the stop of yours.. But at least you fought for yourself and that's something worth fighting for. Now it's time to know if what you wanted was all worth it and all that you've been cherishing for so long does it all pay.. 

You've been missed

You've been missed I say as you were my original in everyday. I did it first for you, took care of myself for you, changed a lot for you, my first waiting was for you, my first love passion and attention looks have always been for you, I was that little nice girl who used to wakeup everyday to catch a glimpse of you. Steal time for you. You took all my breaths. I thought you were meant for me. Though you fell for me, my short chopped hair, my young foolish looks and my gorgeous smile I claim. But to you I was like any other girl. And I didn't know you were so cold. I didn't know that you'd bite your own tongue not to tell me what I wanted to hear, to comfort me. You were definitely my type. The one I would go crazy for and do whatever he wants. I saw you the best in this world, but you didn't. I loved all of you though you never spoke a word. You are the kind of people that makes me want to die for them to notice me, feel grief and agony, and maybe maybe regret what you have been hiding from me all this time. I have been honest and direct to you the whole time you've been messing around. And now after years have passed, I discovered I have your own place still set in my heart... You've been missed, your gorgeous smile is missed, your green eyes stare has been missed, your deep soul has been missed, your mysterious moves has been missed, the way you looked at me so hungrily has been missed, I have never felt quench anytime after... Those days were my best, I still tell you... I know you're maybe with someone else now, being enough fulfilled, your pretty soul should have given her gorgeous time, and your ease should provide her the best quality in life, your emerald eyes will only lead her through... When she gets lost you will know the way. When you feel you can't do it you will try everyday. It's the hard laugh you will give her when she is being insane, the light smirk when she is saying your name, the frown you will form when she is not being fair, the one eyebrow you'll raise when she is leaving your way, they will all make her fall for you as they previously changed my way... Now I am not ashamed. Some people are never meant to share your way...