Does it all pay..

Have you ever wanted something so much, you asked for it? Not once or twice, not a day or a night, but by every passing star light. You have been so deeply into it that it kept your mind from anything but it. Its like a vortex that kept pulling you in, until you have finally reached the center, it no longer spins you. You've reached somewhere that no human goes by their own conscious. Somewhere where you can't ever have a companion. The sad thing is no one could ever help you. A family can wake you up everyday and make sure you're OK, a friend can be by your side though you could feel they're never there, a job can keep you busy half day until you reach your night thoughts, but only you could save yourself. There you saw them, everywhere around you, but no one have noticed how much you've been pulled in. Then finally they noticed when you've been too far you couldn't handle your own pain. Then they all knew... And nothing. They can only call you out, some will try to swim but will be back to the shore so often, some will try and wave, others will throw ropes, your mom most probably will faint and your dad will be there watching too. Some will see you fighting mountains and think it's not easy, others will see you lucky. Some are always there just to tell you they've been through harder and you'll be OK. Some will pray others won't. Now what? You're lonely though you're not alone. Nothing is ever clear anymore. Your vision becomes so weak of everything you've known, your real and unreal world suddenly starts to feel the same. You said if god wanted to help me he could have helped by now, or he couldn't have let me all the way in.. You now know that only he can save you or a miracle. You've thought surrender could be easier than to fight, but now you know it's not death you've always wished for.. But have you ever thought that you and only you have got you here? You were the one who desperately hoped for something you may or may not have. You saw the water spinning and yet you kept going there. Its always been the best to risk but not when you have no spare. Weapons were not your thing, but you know you could still use them here. Faith is a weapon, family is a weapon, love is a weapon, friends are definitely a weapon, but god would have kept you safe if you ever not let go of his armor. You decided that if you ever got away from here you'd do the best in your life back there.. You'd fix what you never took care of, you'd immensely look at your beloved ones that you never forget a feature of 'em. You promise that no one else in your entire life deserve to be cherished and taken care of but the one who created you. Now you know, you've been too far from where you should be.. Now you remember how careless you were, you weren't as perfect as you ever thought, you lost yourself because you didn't hold onto it for a long time now. You've only been where for so long you've been approaching, yet you didn't see it. Now you know.. Nothing is worse than letting yourself go. It all stopped now, the sea has came to it's own score.. Don't worry no one stares, they were too busy to just keep watching you there, some are only glad you're back when they glanced you to the shore, you made it, but not alone. Now you know, you don't make so much difference to 'em as you ever thought. You don't yet have a life that stops to the stop of yours.. But at least you fought for yourself and that's something worth fighting for. Now it's time to know if what you wanted was all worth it and all that you've been cherishing for so long does it all pay..