Believe..

Why do people do what they do? Good or bad. Why is it always too late? You feel disturbed every time you find someone succeeding something. You never thought of how much time of his life he's been thinking of it or how many times he fell and got up or even how much effort he did to get there. You only saw the output. And at that same time, you thought that it's by how many people you get around you -be it by your acts of kindness or so- that you are most protected, and you never were..
Since when was 'thank you' such a huge burden for you to carry and for the object of thankfulness to brag about. I don't think anything is wrong with us, our society, except lack of prerogatives or their misdistribution. We stopped looking for the details, we stopped stopping to explain ourselves, we stopped doing things except if everyone and every single one knows we have done them. Since when was everyone feeling so important? If this is not clear, let make it more clear, you're not. If your mom fills you up with confidence words everyday it's because she loves you, she never meant to make a selfish, arrogant man out of you. If your dad tells you you're pretty, it's because he sees how much his good acts and efforts in you have developed into a young born honor, he never meant for you to be a shown commodity. Your wife of twenty years marriage gave you so much to let her down, by simply cheating and blaming it on her carelessness, you're the one careless. Girls half dressed no one is impressed. Men with the mentality of fifteen years old boys and the body of mid-twenties all over the dance clubs you don't rock the world, you rock it's foundations. A devoted loving husband deserves much more acts of care and kindness, not more of an indifferent, uncaring wife. You give birth to a baby because you want to share more with the man you love, a baby to love and have it be better than you were raised. If you don't stop for the arrogant, the arrogant stops for no one, then. If you lack faith, you're filled with fear. If you stop defending yourself, society and ethics, no one is stopping to defend them for you. You're apathy is unappreciated. Your harshness won't be cherished. Every act of kindness is a bonus. Every act of rudeness grants you more fail. You don't need to escape the world, you simply need someone to believe in you. I have been raised in a society that tells me everyday what to do and what not to. Let me tell you what you should do. You should stop listening, you only be genuinely happy if you do what you love to do. Crying in front of someone you love is not a sin, you blame them if they don't understand when you do. If you feel unappreciated leave, if you stay you tolerate. Abusing your wife is the most act of proof you failing as a man. Insulting your children only proves you have no sense of nurse. Stop blaming the society, you're the society. God never asked us to see, note, grasp or observe, he asked us to believe. Late is for the non-believer. If you still have age, you still have a chance, no rationalizations. If you missed telling someone how much you care, do it now, don't fear they get you wrong, instead explain. It's OK to know you're hurt, show it and let others see you carrying it too. If you love a man let him know you do and then leave, you never know what that might change. If you love a woman, be proud and tell her, feelings are a precious thing to carry and a man who devotes to them is the real one. Don't underestimate someone's intelligence. Don't overestimate one's too. Stop being so servile yourself. Acknowledge the one's you love, help them fight their battles and embrace them. Believe them, believe in them. If someone deprives you of your hopes, it's because they're hopeless themselves. It's not how many people who knows you, it's how many distinguishes you. Love those who least deserve it, it's when they most need it. You build your fundamentals to stand on for the rest of your life. Fathom people's pain. Rethink, re-evaluate and reassess your priorities. If you start fighting eventually everyone will start too. All cheers to the believers, you're the leaders.

What would you choose..

Love is a strange world, open the gate, take your eye-band and slowly start to wander. This is a place whose ground knows no solid state. Parachutes are everywhere, but the jump I warn you, is something you can't bear. You've come to a place where everyone is all bare. Genuine is a word that describes it all here. Feel the cold air, but if you come too close to someone it's all hot be there if you dare. This is a place no one knows why they stay. Circles is a path no one knows else-here. Lanterns everywhere, left behind every lost living soul. Just beware you can't stare. Some will try and stick to you as long their path goes, others will be as long as yours goes. Some will take you under their umbrellas, others will be glad to leave you to the rain. Some will see right through you, others will be there just to throw you. This a world that only knows assumptions. Some will assume you're what they've already been searching for, others will assume you're what they'll never search for. Some will help you catch your breath, others will take your breath away. Mostly you'll meet them all. There you no sit you fall. You've entered somewhere you start to think is a snare. It's like you are in a sea that knows no shore. This is a world that no brain knows. Everyone is stumbling, I told you it's not safe. A walker pass you by, saying ' Everyone I find here cries, I don't know why'. Dizziness is all you feel right now, falling was for so long all you've known. Blares are everywhere. Noisy is this place. You're starting to walk slow, searching for your own show. Try and ask for space (time), this is a place where you could only know by your own pace. You've only got one thing to make, search for the only one your heart can take. But try and make no mistake. There you feel 'em. Someone has finally made it by. Then they take you by the hand, it suddenly starts to feel like somewhere you could stand. There came someone who could stare. Don't worry hearts could stare. It's like finally you start to see the light. Though it's all night. It lastly starts to feel right, it took you so long to make it right. Confusion is all gone now, you've found someone you'd want to know. Try and feel the world through, see the beauty of all things you knew. Feel your heartbeat, it would be too much you can't bleat. You'll feel the lightness of your own heart, feeling you're all smart, though it's all swollen you should suffocate. You've beaten your own rate. They say you only become happy when you meet the one you love. Now it's all hot, but you'd rather feel hot than to feel not. Now you'd like to take your eye-band, now you'd like to stare. You'd love to see the face of the one who was all there. Be careful I told you not to stare. If they leave you by, you'd come to cry. Someone might take 'em from you, someone might take you from 'em. Try and count your fears. You think to yourself ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.’ and it will all bring you to tears. So don't look down, try and hold onto them as much as you can. See the world through their eyes, it's OK if they spy. Though you're flying you can hear shouts from down there, let go let go is all you hear. Learn this from life no place you'll be trying to strive and someone tells you to fight. So fight as hard as you can, dare to live with someone's flaws. Black is of no favorite when all you felt was all savored. You tried to be vigilant, but that makes you no agent. Try and scream, no one hears in a world full of screams. I will tell you this but don't be deceived, this is somewhere you've only conceived. You'd pray they'll stay there. This is a place that's boundaries are all pare. You forgot the rules, you're in a place that no one rules. Hearts could wander, people too, but no one seems to choose. Don't try and land, you've only wanted the world the moment you took their hand. Because in the face of true love you just don't give up. Love them and cherish them as long as you've 'em. It's only now you know someone's life stops by the stop of yours. Don't be deceived, people will tell you'll be all cleaved. Shush, don't listen. It's only when you take the fall, you'll only miss 'em. I know you're all bare, it took you so much to get there. Open your eyes wide now you're in the ride, enjoy it as long as there is no tide. Suddenly you'll fall, I am sorry you did fall. Don't say you've not been warned. But at least now you know why everyone who's been warned chooses to take the fall. Not everyone has been there, and not everyone who's been around you did fall, but remember it took you much courage to take the fall. It's all dark now, so numb you're. Don't search for a hand just tie your eye band, what you did was all banned. Someone comes by saying "Hello, you've been in a phase, a phase that makes you forget the life you once had. You've risked so much and took too much too. Don't try and stand, just give me your own hand". "Who are you?", you say. "I am your own brain, you've finally heard my calls from down there, asking you to take care. You couldn't let go, you should've said no. Now you've been all there, tell me what would you choose? To stand over the solid ground with no risk to take. OR shall I show you the way, back to my world back to all the sense it makes. OR the risk to fly and the beautiful world with it's own ache. Because here I've seen what no sense makes, a universe of your own make. I know I told you not to spree, but now that I've seen if I were you I'd shoot for three."

Does it all pay..

Have you ever wanted something so much, you asked for it? Not once or twice, not a day or a night, but by every passing star light. You have been so deeply into it that it kept your mind from anything but it. Its like a vortex that kept pulling you in, until you have finally reached the center, it no longer spins you. You've reached somewhere that no human goes by their own conscious. Somewhere where you can't ever have a companion. The sad thing is no one could ever help you. A family can wake you up everyday and make sure you're OK, a friend can be by your side though you could feel they're never there, a job can keep you busy half day until you reach your night thoughts, but only you could save yourself. There you saw them, everywhere around you, but no one have noticed how much you've been pulled in. Then finally they noticed when you've been too far you couldn't handle your own pain. Then they all knew... And nothing. They can only call you out, some will try to swim but will be back to the shore so often, some will try and wave, others will throw ropes, your mom most probably will faint and your dad will be there watching too. Some will see you fighting mountains and think it's not easy, others will see you lucky. Some are always there just to tell you they've been through harder and you'll be OK. Some will pray others won't. Now what? You're lonely though you're not alone. Nothing is ever clear anymore. Your vision becomes so weak of everything you've known, your real and unreal world suddenly starts to feel the same. You said if god wanted to help me he could have helped by now, or he couldn't have let me all the way in.. You now know that only he can save you or a miracle. You've thought surrender could be easier than to fight, but now you know it's not death you've always wished for.. But have you ever thought that you and only you have got you here? You were the one who desperately hoped for something you may or may not have. You saw the water spinning and yet you kept going there. Its always been the best to risk but not when you have no spare. Weapons were not your thing, but you know you could still use them here. Faith is a weapon, family is a weapon, love is a weapon, friends are definitely a weapon, but god would have kept you safe if you ever not let go of his armor. You decided that if you ever got away from here you'd do the best in your life back there.. You'd fix what you never took care of, you'd immensely look at your beloved ones that you never forget a feature of 'em. You promise that no one else in your entire life deserve to be cherished and taken care of but the one who created you. Now you know, you've been too far from where you should be.. Now you remember how careless you were, you weren't as perfect as you ever thought, you lost yourself because you didn't hold onto it for a long time now. You've only been where for so long you've been approaching, yet you didn't see it. Now you know.. Nothing is worse than letting yourself go. It all stopped now, the sea has came to it's own score.. Don't worry no one stares, they were too busy to just keep watching you there, some are only glad you're back when they glanced you to the shore, you made it, but not alone. Now you know, you don't make so much difference to 'em as you ever thought. You don't yet have a life that stops to the stop of yours.. But at least you fought for yourself and that's something worth fighting for. Now it's time to know if what you wanted was all worth it and all that you've been cherishing for so long does it all pay.. 

You've been missed

You've been missed I say as you were my original in everyday. I did it first for you, took care of myself for you, changed a lot for you, my first waiting was for you, my first love passion and attention looks have always been for you, I was that little nice girl who used to wakeup everyday to catch a glimpse of you. Steal time for you. You took all my breaths. I thought you were meant for me. Though you fell for me, my short chopped hair, my young foolish looks and my gorgeous smile I claim. But to you I was like any other girl. And I didn't know you were so cold. I didn't know that you'd bite your own tongue not to tell me what I wanted to hear, to comfort me. You were definitely my type. The one I would go crazy for and do whatever he wants. I saw you the best in this world, but you didn't. I loved all of you though you never spoke a word. You are the kind of people that makes me want to die for them to notice me, feel grief and agony, and maybe maybe regret what you have been hiding from me all this time. I have been honest and direct to you the whole time you've been messing around. And now after years have passed, I discovered I have your own place still set in my heart... You've been missed, your gorgeous smile is missed, your green eyes stare has been missed, your deep soul has been missed, your mysterious moves has been missed, the way you looked at me so hungrily has been missed, I have never felt quench anytime after... Those days were my best, I still tell you... I know you're maybe with someone else now, being enough fulfilled, your pretty soul should have given her gorgeous time, and your ease should provide her the best quality in life, your emerald eyes will only lead her through... When she gets lost you will know the way. When you feel you can't do it you will try everyday. It's the hard laugh you will give her when she is being insane, the light smirk when she is saying your name, the frown you will form when she is not being fair, the one eyebrow you'll raise when she is leaving your way, they will all make her fall for you as they previously changed my way... Now I am not ashamed. Some people are never meant to share your way...

Will you conduct a person's silence?

Do you listen to the words someone says or to what your head is telling you about them?

Do you lend an ear when you are asked?

Do you really give people the chance to try and tell you what they actually want to tell you? Can you tell the difference? 

Have you ever gone way too far you couldn't speak? Or Couldn't put your thoughts in words?

Have you ever felt like screaming your lungs out of your mouth and no one could still hear you? Have you not? Does it hurt? 

Would you rather prefer to speak it all out when someone annoys you or just keep it down this time again saying they have never listened before so they won't this time?

Have you ever been deafened by your own thoughts?

Have you ever had a crowd that could explode in your own brain but chose to keep mute? Do you like it? 

How many times you didn't listen? 

Did you know your heart had ears too? Have you ever used them? 

Have you ever been wounded by someone's words? Do you know why? Is it because your ears listened or your heart?

Have you ever seen the words in someone's eyes but your ears could never catch them? How many times did you concentrate? 

Do you know why someone people don't speak much? Are you curious? Do they have something to tell? Will you judge them?

Have you ever heard a weak voice out in trouble and chose to ignore it? 

Do you hear normal street and object voices? Did you hear human ones? Are they the same? Are human's warmer?

Do you like the rain? Would you listen if it speaks? Have ever heard a moan? Did you try listening to it? Have your heart responded? 

Do you have a loudmouth? Being heard no matter the crowd? Will you lower it?

Have you ever wanted not to miss a word in a lecture you like? Did you take notes? Have you ever taken notes of what someone tells you? Have you ever learned by talking? Did listening ever hurt you? 

Have someone ever burst into scream in your face? Did you listen to their tears? 

Can you hug someone for no reason and they cry? People are only that emotional.

Do you know word could get lost? Do you know how much you lost? 

Have you ever noticed that sounds differ? Do you know why? 

Have you noticed a women's voice is of a higher pitch than that of a man? Did you hear it when she is angry or crying? Is too hard to bear? 

Did you notice the voice of a man? Does it scare you when they scream?

Have you ever heard a kid's scream? Can you bear? Do you feel their pain?

Have you ever heard someone talking slow? Do you know why? 

Have you ever heard a loud voice? Did it make you understand?

Did you know that ears lie? They tell you words that passed by, not what they hid? Have you ever listened to your favorite song over and over again? Does it bore you? Has it been with a person? Did they bore you? 

Do you know you have two ears? Do you use them as much?

Do you know you could kill someone instantly by not listening to them? Do you know you could give some help? Do you know how much that causes? Are you aware? 

Do you ever want to lose someone you love with words hanging on their tongue? Will it hurt you? 

What if what you always thought about someone was never true? Will it differ? Will you listen closely? Will you try? 

Will you conduct a person's silence?..

Why men love b*tches?

If you read the book by the author Sherry Argov the American writer, you'll be astonished how the American people think. Well according to the author, a bitch is a woman of power, self respect and loves herself more than she loves the other person in the relationship. And also according to the author a woman should be more of an equal than of a self-sacrificing or a victim to the man. But that's not the thing to be amazed about. That thing is that she's actually advising what most religions do advise. The less skin you uncover the more your value and the more the man's imagination goes when looking at you. Because yes men love to imagine more than to see what they're used to see everyday. Let's get back to our society, the more she uncovers the more she's interesting to a man! Why? because Egyptian men think if she is covering herself, simply she's got something to hide. Have you ever heard someone telling you that he sent his sister to see the bride alone, for her to see if the bride has a good hair, skin and body? Well if you haven't, it happens. 

It's gone from bad to worse. Hijab is only worn because maybe she's desperate of her bad hair and that she doesn't have something good to show! Well, if you excuse me, when my parents first told me about Hijab it was an obligation. So if you can see what our society is all about; It's covered because it's cheap and it's all bare because it has a value to show. If she's not wearing a Hijab or more appealing she's not left alone either, she's called having less self respect, not raised well, but at least we can see what we will be too afraid to see. We are becoming more visionary, more shallow and less qualitative. What I want to say is; fashion is fashion, a girl is a girl, a bitch is a bitch, Hijab is Hijab. You don't get to label people according to your past experience. Instead make some effort and get to know them. Spare yourself and her the guessing. Take her as she is, have you ever wanted to be with a girl who wanted you to get fat, all muscled up, wear tighter pants or larger t-shirts? You cannot save people you can only love them. I believe in that, because everyone has got their good and bad, you can only hope they learn something good from you. And about what a man loves; he loves how a girl can be independent and standing for herself. He loves how she could handle things on her own, but gives him the authority to handle the difficulties in both their lives. He despises neediness and drama. Story long short,  if you let him be your king, he won't hesitate to make you his queen.

تاكل الخيار مقشر ولا متاكلش خيار خالص؟

الخيار جميل وكل الناس بتحبه في السلطة ومخلل والذي منه.. بس انا مبحبش الخيار غير وهو مقشر ولو مش مقشر مش باكله.. وكل ما اقول لحد كده يقوللي الخيار فايدته في القشرة ماشي بس اكله بنص فايدة ولا ماكلش فايدة خالص؟ واجهتني نفس المشكلة في حاجات تانية كتير زي الشغل مثلا.. انا مهندسة اتصالات لسه متخرجة مبقاليش كام شهر ومستعجلة اوي على الشغل بس نفسي في حاجة في مجالي.. وللأسف مجالي في اسكندرية مقتول وفرصه قليلة اوي.. وقدمت في شركة ومتقبلتش فيها.. لقيت اقتراحات الناس اني "امّشي" حالي واشتغل مُدرسة "وخلاص" .. طب انا مش عايزة اشتغل مُدرسة ومش بحب التدريس ولا اعرف حبقى شاطرة في ولا لأ واصلا ده مش مجالي، مش بعد خمس سنين تعذيب اروح ادرس وبعدين سهلة او مش سهلة وانا مالي!؟ انا درست حاجة معينة عايزة انتج فيها واتميز.. التدريس جميل والمعلم مبجّل بس انا مليش فيه! يقولك ما اهو اصل الشغل بيجيب شغل ولو دخلتي حتعملي علاقات شغل، حضرتك انا بقالي خمس او ست سنين بعمل في علاقات ما نفعنيش منها حاجة. بس هي الحياة مقايضة "trade offs" كل لما تاخد حاجة لازم تدّي قصادها.. يعني لو عايز راحة البال في شغلانة اي كلام ومتوجعش دماغك خد دي وخلاص، مُدرسة بقى او ايا كان ايه في غير مجالك.. عايز شغلة في مجالك تبقى تستنى وتتعب وتذاكر وتحسن من نفسك لحد ما تكون جاهز تماماً ليها.. يمكن في اي بلد برة الوضع مختلف بس دي مصر.. فترجع تسأل نفسك كل يوم تاكل الخيارة مقشرة ولا متاكلش خيار خالص؟

Article about Love

What's love? And does every individual feel it the same way?

My answer is: No. They say you never love the same way twice in your life, so maybe no two can feel the same kind of love in this life. And my first question; What's love? Love is a feeling you get in your stomache every time you see him around. Love is when no place feels familiar because he isn't in it. Love is when you keep looking in all the faces you see in hopes you find his. Love is the soften expression that invades your face when you see him. 

Love is loving every part of him. Love is when you see nothing in the room but the frame of his face, heart and soul. Love is wanting to wake up to his face and falling asleep. Love is wanting to give him all your smiles. Love is when he is your reality and dreams.

Love is never giving up on him no matter what happens from him, because for true love you don't just give up, even if the object of affection is begging you to. Love is a thirst that's never quenched. Love is writing songs about him and wanting to sing them to him. Love is when you want to do everything for him and not for the sake of doing them. Love is when you always want more from him, but even the less is heavenly beautiful. Love is wanting to be familiar of all what he is. Love is when all the other guys are "only other men". Love is when he's the reflection in the mirror you always see. Love is when you see him in everything you do. Love is forgetting how your life was before you met him. Love is never wanting to pass a chance to get things close to him. 

Love is when his eyes are weak every time they meet you. Love is never hating him no matter how bad his flaws are. Love is when he looks at you in a way every other girl wants to be looked at. Love is never wanting to rush things with him, cause you want to deserve every second with him around. Love is the heavy breath you take every time you miss him. Love is when he is the king of your heart. Love is when your world wouldn't be without him in it. Love is Jack and Rose. Love is Gatsby waiting for five years for Daisy to get back to him and believing he can repeat the past to the part she was still in it. Love is Chuck & Blair. Love isn't away from your heart because he is away from your eyes, love never fades, love never ends.

ليه صعبة على ناس وسهلة على ناس؟

في ناس حياتها تبان اسهل من ناس تانية. مثلا عمرك ركبت مع واحد صاحبك حسيتها "سهلة"؟ كده الدنيا ماشية حلو ومفيش مشاكل و"متسهلة" .. لو عاز فكة موجودة، الركنة سهلة، الفلوس تمام.. إلخ

وصاحبك تاني اول ما تركب معاه تلعن اليوم اللي فكرت تنزل فيه من بيتك معاه. ماشي يتخانق والدنيا سودة في وشه مفيش بعد كده. قعدت فكرت في الموضوع ده كتير.. ليه الناس بتختلف، وقلت ده مش عدل عشان في من الناس اللي حياتهم صعبة اوي دول ناس فعلا طيبين وعاملين اللي عليهم خلقاً وديناً وعلى العكس في في اللي حياتهم متسهلة دول ناس .في دنيا تانية ولا هي هنا ولا عارفة هي عليها ايه. 

لقيت الاسباب كتير، من وجهة نظري ان مش شرط يكون بيعمل اللي عليه ممكن بس يكون متعّود يكدّر نفسه.. متعود ينفخ وينطر ودايما متوقع "التعسيف" بدل للتفاؤل وبدل "ان شاء الله حتمشي"..

عامل تاني؛ الفلوس.. خلينا نكون واضحين ومتفقين على ان كتر الفلوس دايما يعني كتر رفاهية ومتعة.. كل حاكة تحسها سهلة كده، معيش كذا نسيته في البيت خلاص حروح اشتري غيره من اي حتة وايه يعني .. معيش بنزين هاتولي بس سكة اقرب بنزينة.. عايز اكل في حتة اي مطعم مش مهم واللي نفسي فيه كمان.. بس فكرت ان الفلوس ممكن تكون ابتلاء؟ كل ما زادت القيمة المادية للاشياء كل ما زاد الطامعين. يعني مثلا مش حتتسرق فيزتك لو انت بتمشي ب٢٠ جنيه في جيبك ومعكش فيزا اصلا! ومش حيتسرق النوكيا بتاعك اللي محدش بيبصله اليومين دول وكله شغال سامسونج وتاتش وكده.. خلاصة الكلام انها معادلة كاملة التوازن، انت متعرفش ازاي ومش حتعرف ولا ليك انك تاخد بالك بس خليك متأكد ان مش ده العنصر المسبب.. 

امال ايه العنصر المسبب؟ في رأيي "حالة العقل" هي السبب في كل حاجة بنواجهها، The state of mind. كل ما تحط في عقلك افكار كئيبة ومملة وصعبة حتجييلك كل حاجة كئيبة ومملة وصعبة لانك ببساطة مش بتشوف الجانب الحلو بتاع كل حاجة، بتشوف الوحش بس.. لكن لو متوكل ومسهلها على نفسك وبتاخد كل حاجة وحشة بتحصل تشوف ايه الحلو فيها و"تفائلوا بالخير تجدوه" مش حتلاقي اسهل من كده وحتكون انت صاحبك اللي لما بتركب جمبه بتحسها "سهلة" و "ماشية" و "مريحة".. عقلك أداة استخدمها ومشيها زي ما تحب تكون حياتك..

Lost in Social Networks

I have got lost in Social Networks. Like really how come there could be so many of them nowadays? And we got ourselves stuck in there, like "oh I want to have an account on Twitter" and of course you have to have a Facebook, who doesn't? Google Plus, let's try it. And then there's tumblr it's fun and useful, then you have websites like weheartit which is for photo sharing but doesn't mind a follow, and soundcloud which is for songs sharing and even this have a follow and whatsoever. Let's not forget the great Whatsapp application, it's because everyone is using it, you can't not have one. Same goes for Skype, Viber... etc. Linkedin? Yeah because you have to say where do you work or if you're desperate to find a job, you'll also have to follow people you know there, and they won't be glad if they followed you and you didn't follow back. Instagram? How come I never mention it! Please take a photo of what you eat and add up some effects and let people know more of what they don't want to. Pinterest, is a very useful website for planning your whole wedding before even having someone to commit to. And you're supposed to be checking every notification everyday for the whole list AND have a life! The thing is people do get it really personal, I mean if you are bothered if I don't check my fb messages then for god's sake, do some effort and press the green button and call me!

What I really want to say is; we decide to complicate our lives by our own selves. Phone calls are not so cheap in Egypt but hearing the warmth of voice of someone you love, like or even are friends with, is all worth the pay. Limit your networks, make it harder for people to find you. Let them miss you, don't make it so easy to know you're okay by only checking your fb account's new profile picture, because it's not. I have tried it, people actually notice when you deactivate your account, they call to make sure you're okay off fb!? Plus, the time you spend everyday getting hold of all this, is enormous, you just don't know it. Make this time more worthy, by reading a book or adding something to your brain. I have learned the hard way, that school isn't the knowledge,neither is college, what really added up to me is the book that I opened on 

 purpose and read with full interest.